Risking Embarrassment...
After I spent years writing the book, An Elf’s Journey, where I resolved the tragedies of repressed memories that arose along with my client’s histories, the fear of sharing this publicly, shook me to my core. So, I went to work to clear my fear of abandonment and being judged. The horror of the potential of embarrassment still crept up on me like a giant cloud’s shadow. I was able to push myself to speak about it when people asked. I got a mix of reactions—mainly silence—and continued to share regardless. Childhood sexual abuse can be a taboo subject and many people don’t have the knowledge of how to discuss it. I think it is time to change that and bring society into full awareness to help prevent current and future abuse and to care about survivors of past abuse.
If you’re a survivor, you are probably sensitive to others judgements of you, without them speaking a word. Me too! Yet, I had promised my Inner Child that I would do what I could to help eliminate others suffering, and I believe my book is a catalyst to do that. How could I get it into all the hands that could benefit from a creative recovery? I had been told this book could save people’s lives. It creates a space of ease and even joy. I was committed to using the name that all my past clients and students know me by. I moved ahead continuing to ask the Universe how I could market An Elf’s Journey without the strain of worry.
A really big lightbulb moment came when I was listening to a Glenyce Hughes podcast. She spoke about having a willingness to feel embarrassed as part of being a contribution to the world. In her example, she asked herself, “Am I willing to experience embarrassment?” This allowed her to be in choice. That was different than what I had done expecting myself to just do whatever it took. I felt I had no choice, which was the theme of my childhood abuse. A paradigm shift was created by simply respecting myself enough to give myself total choice in the matter.
I quickly asked, “Am I willing to experience embarrassment by sharing my book about healing from childhood sexual abuse?” What arose was a gift! The sensations of determination and strength filled me as I realized how small my feelings humiliation were compared to the enormous benefit that survivors would gain from what I had to share. It is a clarity that has stayed with me for good. Now, when I share about my book, I feel proud and have a sense of how big this contribution is. It is a difference of night and day on the inside. I bask in gratitude for what I am doing when I share! Since this new view of mine, the serendipitous surprise for me is that the information has been more easily received too. Additional people are showing extra interest and asking more. It’s so exciting!
If you are considering sharing the launch of my book with your network and friends, but have any concerns of degradation for your involvement, I would suggest this. Don’t push yourself to just do it. Kindly ask if you would be willing to risk some embarrassment for distributing this information. I know… it’s a BIG ASK! And I appreciate it!! Then, be silent. Be curious. What do you get?
Honor that and trust yourself. If you have an unexpected insight, please share in the comments.
I am so grateful for you! I am holding heart space for you!! Together, we all move further ahead.
With so much hope for a better future for all,
Katia Cooper
